Nearly 100 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen! Scenes!
by Dracosnogger
Summary: This is the list "Nearly 100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen" by Mini Vampire Doll, who has so kindly let me use her list to create little scenes for all of theme! First ten are here, I'll do more later, if you all want! :
1. Chapter 1: 1 through 10

NEARLY 100 WAYS TO ANNOY EDWRAD CULLEN!

Original List Made By: Mini Vampire Doll

Scenarios by: Me! Dracosnogger! 

In these scenarios, they will be done by, of course, the Cullen's and a new one called...let's call her…Pony...sorry, I'm watching "The Outsiders" while writing these! Don't you just love both the movie and the book, the Outsiders I mean...I do!

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"Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' at the top your lungs every loud when Bella is around to hear it."

_Pony: __Like a virgin Touched for the very first time Like a virgin When your heart beats Next to mine _

_Bella:_ _Edward…who IS that? And why is she singing "Like a Virgin" so loudly?_

_Edward:_ *_Glares at Pony like he's about to kill her* I don't know…but I guess we won't either…_" oooh, I guess Pony has started to get on his bad side…

Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.

_Pony: Hey Charlie! You must be real happy about Bella getting married to Edward, of all people, right?_

_Charlie: Yeah…I guess so, he is a nice boy…old fashion, as Bells likes to say._

_Pony: Old fashion? You mean, like no big physical contact before marriage?_

_Charlie: Yeah, that sounds like what she described…why?_

_Pony: Well, has it occurred to you that, when you're asleep, Edward climbs through the window, and…sleeps with her? And, it's been going on for about…oh I don't know, about two years now? _

_Charlie: *eyes bugging out and glaring at Edward as he dances with bella* _

3. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob.

_Edward is walking with Bella towards his car in the morning before school, as he walks up, he starts to tense up and his eyes become as black as the night sky, by the car…you see, who else? Pony…gee, I wonder what happened?_

_Bella: What's wrong Edward? Did Alice have a vision…no, are you thirsty? Wha—oh, holy crap. _

_Edward: PONY! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR? _

_Pony: I DIDN'T DO IT! HONESTLY! I DIDN'T! IT WAS…IT WAS ALL JACOB'S FAULT! YEAH, JACOB DID IT! HE DID IT BECAUSE HE'S STILL MAD ABOUT BELLA CHOOSING YOU AND NOT HIM! _

_Edward still doesn't believe her, so she starts to run…eventually Jasper and Emmett help her all the way to school because they thought it was a cool prank…but not Edward…. _

4. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY) YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! And repeat. Over and over and over.

_As Edward and Bella approach his locker, he leans down to kiss Bella, and open his locker at the same time, he's barely gotten towards her face when his locker starts blasting _YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! _Continually, while everyone stops and stares, Pony starts to laugh, then so does everyone else! _

_Edward: PONY! _

5. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he's stupid when he won't answer your question. And… 55. Refer to him as "Eddie". (this one will be a combo, I might do 55 again if you all want me to!)

_Pony: HEY EDDIE! HEY, HEY, HEY EDDIE! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU! WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER IT FOR ME? _

_Edward: WHAT IS IT? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTST TO BECOME A VAMPIRE, BECAUSE I CAN SHOW YOU THE ANSWER IF YOU WANT! _

_Pony: No, I just wanted to ask you tha_t big question…you know the one that EVERYONE wants to ask?

_Edward: Oh dear Lord, no Pony, I will not marry you! I love Bella! _

_Pony: Ewww, no! Why would I want to marry you? I wanted to ask you…where do babies come from? Because, I never really learned that part of health class…will you please, pretty please, pretty please with a cherry on top, tell me? _

_Edward: *left eye starts to twitch as he thinks about how to explain it* another few minutes go by, and still, Edward does not answer Pony's question _

_Pony: You don't know? Dude, I thought you were supposed to be perfect? You're stupid. I'll go ask Rosalie. Maybe SHE'LL tell me! _

6. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food. \

_Pony: Here Edward! Happy birthday! I hope you like it! _

_Edward: Gee, thanks Pony, I didn't think you'd get me a gi—what did you do to it? _

_Pony:* Puts on her most innocent look* Why, nothing, I didn't do ANYTHING to it! _

_Edward: *Eyes Pony suspiciously* Okay…oh Pony, I appreciate this, but, I don't eat human food, you know that. _

_Pony: *Looks very hurt and is about to cry* BUT, EDWARD! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I WENT TO, TO GET YOU THIS GIFT! IT TOOK ALL OF MY ALLOWANCE! HOW COULD YOU HATE IT SO MUCH! _

_Edward: What? NO, I don't hate it, I just—_

_Pony: YOU DO HATE IT, AND YOU MUST HATE ME TOO! *runs away crying* _

7. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.

_Pony: Edward, why do you like to watch Bella sleep? That's kind of weird…_

_Edward; I don't WATCH her sleep, I—_

_Pony: YOU WATCH HER SLEEP? YOU PERVERT! GET AWAY FROM ME!_

8. Replace his ringtone with 'Outta my head' by Ashlee Simpson. Make sure he can't change it.

_Bella is trying to call Edward, but he won't pick up, so she goes over to his house, and asks why he won't pick up, and he says this: _

_Edward: Pony, I mean SOMEONE changed my Ringtone to "Outta my head" by Ashlee Simpson and now I can't change it…now I don't even want to LOOK at my phone. _

_Bella: What? That's so stupid, why would PONY change it? She's such a sweet girl!_

_Pony: *Outside of Edward's room and laughs evilly* _

9. Color on all his Bella pictures with permanent to replace them

_Pony: *Whistling while coloring on the many pictures of Bella in Edward's room with a red and blue sharpie drawing mustaches, beards and other stupid things on her face* _

_Edward: *Walks into his room to find Pony doing what is described above* PONY! _

_Pony: Hey there Eddie! Look! I gave Bella a makeover!_

10. Ask him to be a vampire with you for Halloween.

_Pony: PLEASE EDWARD! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP, OR…PRETTY PLEASE WITH BLOOD ON TOP!_

_Edward: NO, Pony! I've already told you 510 times this week, and yes I HAVE been counting, and I mean it! NO, I WILL NOT BE A VAMPIRE WITH YOU FOR HALLOWEEN! _

_*Later on Halloween night, Pony and Edward come up to the Newton's house, and Mike opens the door*_

_Pony: *enthusiastically* Trick or Treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat! TAKE IT AWAY EDWRD CULLEN! _

_Edward: *He hid his face in white makeup with Rosalie's red lipstick as blood on the sides of his mouth, and now wants to kill Pony for dressing him up like this and yelling his name out in the neighborhood, and also kill Mike Newton because he's laughing, then says very unenthusiastically* If you don't, I don't care, I'll just eat you—Ow! I mean, I'll pull down your underwear! _

_Mike: Oh god! This is SO making the front page Monday! _

_MORE TO COME IF I GET GOOD REVIEWS ON THIS! _

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So? How'd you guys like it? Was it good, funny, hilarious, or just plain stupid, because this is only 1-10, I'll only do the rest if you, the readers and reviewers think it's funny, so please review! If you do, you can have a hug from ANYONE YOU WANT THAT IS IN THIS WORLD! :)


	2. Chapter 2: 11 through 20

So, here you guys go! Scenarios 11-20! I will put up 21-30 later, but for now...I may not get to it immediately, partially because I want to hear what you guys have to say about these scenes! :) If you guys like it, I might put up some more, if you guys love it, I'll definitely put up some more, if you guys absolutely HATE it, then, well...I won't post anymore, so...REVIEW! :)

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11: Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.

_Pony and Alice have surrounded Edward at home, trying to get him to get his opinion on what they buy when they go to Victoria's Secret, and obviously, he doesn't want to go. _

_Pony: Edward, please? We REALLY need you there! Please, just come with us! We'll buy you ice cream on the way home! _

_Edward: NO! I WILL NOT GO INTO THAT...THAT, STUPID GIRLY INTIMATE STORE WITH YOU, AND ESPECIALLY NOT WITH ALICE! AND I DON'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM! OR ANY OTHER HUMAN FOOD FOR THAT MATTER! _

_Alice: Come on Edward! It'll be fun, just the three of us, some nice brother-sisters bonding time!_

_Edward: I'll go anywhere with you Alice, but not to that store, and I would love some brother-SISTER bonding time, but as you may know, Pony is very much not our sister! _

_*Pony is looking at Edward with the most innocent eyes she could conjure up, and only two things were on her mind,* _

_Pony: Edward, I think of you like a brother! How could you not think of me as a sister? And how do you NOT eat ICE CREAM! IT'S THE MOST DELICIOUS, MOST SWEETEST DELICACY ON THIS PLANET! *Pony starts tearing up, then crying, and Edward is only giving her his famous death stare* _

_*Alice rushes over to Pony's side to hold her as she cries, and hugs her tightly, then turns around and gives Edward her best impression of Esmee's 'How dare you do this to this poor innocent child?' look*_

_Alice: Oh, Pony, it's okay! Of course Edward thinks of you as his sister, if he didn't, do you think you'd be alive right now?_

_Pony: I guess you're right, so LET'S GO! _

_*Pony and Alice take Edward to the mall, to Victoria's Secrets, as they both pick out nice bras and compare them and laugh at the other guys who weren't as "gutsy" as Edward was to actually COME INSIDE the store, now Edward feels awkward, but can't get out of it!* _

12. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a _DOG_

_*Edward has just stopped kissing Bella before she goes home, and Pony comes in looking disgusted at first, then has an idea*_

_Pony: You really love her, don't you Edward? _

_Edward: Oh, more than anything...I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, *deep sigh*_

_Pony: Well, you might have, considering you almost lost her to a DOG! _

_Edward: Don't make me kill you right now Pony, I'm in no mood for it, and I've been good for a VERY LONG TIME about not drinking your blood, so don't make me break that record now. _

_*About half an hour passes, and Pony has not brought up tha__t topic again. Until now.* _

_Pony as she walks in the living room where all the Cullen's including Bella are gathered just hanging out: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT? _

_Cullen's simultaneously respond: WHAT? _

_Pony: EDWARD ALMOST LOST BELLA TO A DOG! _

_Edward: THAT'S IT! PONY, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! *Alice, Rosalie and Esmee all rush to protect Pony from Edward's wrath*_

13. Picture yourself with no clothes and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you; call him a liar when he says no.

_Pony imagines herself as said above while Edward is in the room , Edward starts making awkward looks and tries to avoid Pony's eyes, as she looks at him seductively: What, Edward. Do you want that? Because by the look on your face, I know you want it. _

_Bella walks in: What's up guys? Edward, what's wrong? _

_Edward: BELLA! OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE NOW! I JUST WANT YOU, AND NOT YOU PONY! _

_Pony still looking at him seductively: Oh, you little liar, you and I both know you want me like that! _

_Bella just looks confused but doesn't say anything. _

14. Tell him Bella's in love with Mike and she has been 'doing' things with him. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.

_Pony: Edward, where's Bella? _

_Edward: Oh, she's at home, she said she had a really big test and Charlie won't let her out of the house. _

_Pony: Is that what she told you? Oh, figures she wouldn't want you to know, what with all the Jacob drama first and now Mike. _

_Edward: Mike? Mike Newton? What about Mike Newton? _

_Pony: Oh, nothing, I guess she didn't tell you that she's actually in love with Mike Newton. _

_*Edward now has a murderous look in his eyes, but for the first time, not at Pony, and he will now go and kill Mike* _

_***Ten minutes later* _

_Pony: Where've you been Edward? _

_Bella: Edward! I heard Mike Newton just died! Do you think it's another vampire?_

_Edward: Oh, you'd care about him, what was he? Your new boyfriend? Wouldn't you be very happy if I was out of the picture?_

_Bella: What? What're you talking about Edward? _

_Pony: I must intervene, Edward, I was only joking about Mike _

_Edward: Holy Crap! *Glares at Pony now* PONY! _

15. Ask him if Charlie is secretly a unicorn.

_Pony: Hey Edward? _

_Edward: What? (try and imagine him having a very bad attitude when he says this) _

_Pony: Is Charlie secretly a Unicorn? _

_Edward: What? _

_Pony: Is Charlie a Unicorn? Is he THE Charlie the Unicorn? _

_*Edward does not bother to answer this question_

16. Make him watch the 'Twilight' movie

_Pony: Hey Edward! Guess what! No, wait, don't guess, I'll just tell you! You and I are going to watch this movie everyone swears is AMAZING! IT'S CALLEDTWILIGHT, AND I THINK YO'LL LIKE IT!_

_Edward: No. _

_Pony: Why not?_

_Edward: I don't want to. That's why, and you can't MAKE me watch it either! _

_*30 Seconds later*_

_Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?  
Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google_ it.

_Edward: I can't believe I'm watching this. I hate you pony._

_Pony: SHHH! EDWARD SHUT UP! THEY'RE GETTING TO THE GOOD PART!_

_Edward: YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT SINCE THE MOVIE STARTED! _

17. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.

_Pony: So...do you think Robert Pattinson is hot? _

_Edward: Who? No, I don't think he's hot. _

_Pony: Dude, you have such LOW self esteem. _

_Edward: I don not, just because I don't think Robert Pattinson, whoever the hell that is, isn't hot, that does NOT mean I have low self esteem. *Pony shows him a picture of Robert Pattinson*_

_Edward: Oh...well, now I DO have low self esteem I guess..._

18. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn't eat it.

_Pony: Look Edward! Meet Jacob! _

_Edward: I've already met Jacob, now what is he doing here? _

_Pony: NO silly! Not THAT Jacob, meet Jacob, you're new puppy! I was at the animal shelter, and I saw him and immediately thought of you! See, he likes you already! _

_*Edward groans for he is sure that this is just another one of Pony's tricks.* _

_*3 days later* _

_Edward: PONY! *Pony looks up innocently as Edward comes storming down the school hallway* _

_Pony: Why, what is it dearest Edward? And what is sweet little Jacob doing here? _

_Edward: You know EXACTLY what! This...this, Dog, won't leave me alone! And I tried to eat him, but one: I don't like Dog, and two: Alice, Rosalie and Esmee won't let me eat it or get rid of it, and I blame YOU! _

_*Pony smiles evilly but then goes back to the innocent smile she had on before* _

_Pony: No. I didn't make it do any of that Edward, I think you just seduced the dog, yeah that's it! You seduced it! You stupid sadistic *whispers* vampire! _

19. Ask him why he's not as hot as Robert Pattinson

_Pony: Hey, Edward? Can I ask you something? _

_Edward: No. _

_Pony: Why aren't you as hot as Robert Pattinson? _

_Edward: What? I assure, I'm WAY better looking than that...that...slime ball! _

_Pony: No you're not. Robert Pattinson IS NOT a slime ball, and he's A LOT hotter than YOU! _

_Edward: Pony, do me a favor, please? _

_Pony: Yes, Edward? _

_Edward: GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I HAVE TO EAT YOU! _

_Pony: No, I don't feel like it. And I know you won't do it because Carlisle is standing in the room next to us! _

_Edward: Dammit. _

20. Ask him if he's ever done it. When he says no, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.

_Pony: Edward, have you ever done it before? _

_Edward: Done WHAT? _

_Pony: You know...IT, with BELLA? _

_Edward: Oh, that, no, I have not done it. _

_Pony: Oh, okay, here, I made this for you then. _

_._

(copy this link and it'll take you to the picture of Edward on the movie poster.)

_Edward: PONY!_


	3. Chapter 3: 21 through 30

NEARLY 100 WAYS TO ANNOY EDWRAD CULLEN!

Original List Made By: Mini Vampire Doll

Scenarios by: Me! Dracosnogger! 

In these scenarios, they will be done by, of course, the Cullen's and a new one called...let's call her…Pony...sorry, I'm watching "The Outsiders" while writing these! Don't you just love both the movie and the book, the Outsiders I mean...I do!

"Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' at the top your lungs every loud when Bella is around to hear it."

_Pony: __Like a virgin Touched for the very first time, Like a virgin, When your heart beats Next to mine _

_Bella:_ _Edward…who IS that? And why is she singing "Like a Virgin" so loudly?_

_Edward:_ *_Glares at Pony like he's about to kill her* I don't know…but I guess we won't either…_" oooh, I guess Pony has started to get on his bad side…

Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.

_Pony: Hey Charlie! You must be real happy about Bella getting married to Edward, of all people, right?_

_Charlie: Yeah…I guess so, he is a nice boy…old fashion, as Bells likes to say._

_Pony: Old fashion? You mean, like no big physical contact before marriage?_

_Charlie: Yeah, that sounds like what she described…why?_

_Pony: Well, has it occurred to you that, when you're asleep, Edward climbs through the window, and…sleeps with her? And, it's been going on for about…oh I don't know, about two years now? _

_Charlie: *eyes bugging out and glaring at Edward as he dances with bella* _

3. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob.

_Edward is walking with Bella towards his car in the morning before school, as he walks up, he starts to tense up and his eyes become as black as the night sky, by the car…you see, who else? Pony…gee, I wonder what happened?_

_Bella: What's wrong Edward? Did Alice have a vision…no, are you thirsty? Wha—oh, holy crap. _

_Edward: PONY! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR? _

_Pony: I DIDN'T DO IT! HONESTLY! I DIDN'T! IT WAS…IT WAS ALL JACOB'S FAULT! YEAH, JACOB DID IT! HE DID IT BECAUSE HE'S STILL MAD ABOUT BELLA CHOOSING YOU AND NOT HIM! _

_Edward still doesn't believe her, so she starts to run…eventually Jasper and Emmett help her all the way to school because they thought it was a cool prank…but not Edward…. _

4. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY) YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! And repeat. Over and over and over.

_As Edward and Bella approach his locker, he leans down to kiss Bella, and open his locker at the same time, he's barely gotten towards her face when his locker starts blasting _YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! _Continually, while everyone stops and stares, Pony starts to laugh, then so does everyone else! _

_Edward: PONY! _

5. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he's stupid when he won't answer your question. And… 55. Refer to him as "Eddie". (this one will be a combo, I might do 55 again if you all want me to!)

_Pony: HEY EDDIE! HEY, HEY, HEY EDDIE! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU! WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER IT FOR ME? _

_Edward: WHAT IS IT? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTST TO BECOME A VAMPIRE, BECAUSE I CAN SHOW YOU THE ANSWER IF YOU WANT! _

_Pony: No, I just wanted to ask you tha_t big question…you know the one that EVERYONE wants to ask?

_Edward: Oh dear Lord, no Pony, I will not marry you! I love Bella! _

_Pony: Ewww, no! Why would I want to marry you? I wanted to ask you…where do babies come from? Because, I never really learned that part of health class…will you please, pretty please, pretty please with a cherry on top, tell me? _

_Edward: *left eye starts to twitch as he thinks about how to explain it* another few minutes go by, and still, Edward does not answer Pony's question _

_Pony: You don't know? Dude, I thought you were supposed to be perfect? You're stupid. I'll go ask Rosalie. Maybe SHE'LL tell me! _

6. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food. \

_Pony: Here Edward! Happy birthday! I hope you like it! _

_Edward: Gee, thanks Pony, I didn't think you'd get me a gi—what did you do to it? _

_Pony:* Puts on her most innocent look* Why, nothing, I didn't do ANYTHING to it! _

_Edward: *Eyes Pony suspiciously* Okay…oh Pony, I appreciate this, but, I don't eat human food, you know that. _

_Pony: *Looks very hurt and is about to cry* BUT, EDWARD! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I WENT TO, TO GET YOU THIS GIFT! IT TOOK ALL OF MY ALLOWANCE! HOW COULD YOU HATE IT SO MUCH! _

_Edward: What? NO, I don't hate it, I just—_

_Pony: YOU DO HATE IT, AND YOU MUST HATE ME TOO! *runs away crying* _

7. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.

_Pony: Edward, why do you like to watch Bella sleep? That's kind of weird…_

_Edward; I don't WATCH her sleep, I—_

_Pony: YOU WATCH HER SLEEP? YOU PERVERT! GET AWAY FROM ME!_

8. Replace his ringtone with 'Outta my head' by Ashlee Simpson. Make sure he can't change it.

_Bella is trying to call Edward, but he won't pick up, so she goes over to his house, and asks why he won't pick up, and he says this: _

_Edward: Pony, I mean SOMEONE changed my Ringtone to "Outta my head" by Ashlee Simpson and now I can't change it…now I don't even want to LOOK at my phone. _

_Bella: What? That's so stupid, why would PONY change it? She's such a sweet girl!_

_Pony: *Outside of Edward's room and laughs evilly* _

9. Color on all his Bella pictures with permanent to replace them

_Pony: *Whistling while coloring on the many pictures of Bella in Edward's room with a red and blue sharpie drawing mustaches, beards and other stupid things on her face* _

_Edward: *Walks into his room to find Pony doing what is described above* PONY! _

_Pony: Hey there Eddie! Look! I gave Bella a makeover!_

10. Ask him to be a vampire with you for Halloween.

_Pony: PLEASE EDWARD! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP, OR…PRETTY PLEASE WITH BLOOD ON TOP!_

_Edward: NO, Pony! I've already told you 510 times this week, and yes I HAVE been counting, and I mean it! NO, I WILL NOT BE A VAMPIRE WITH YOU FOR HALLOWEEN! _

_*Later on Halloween night, Pony and Edward come up to the Newton's house, and Mike opens the door*_

_Pony: *enthusiastically* Trick or Treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat! TAKE IT AWAY EDWRD CULLEN! _

_Edward: *He hid his face in white makeup with Rosalie's red lipstick as blood on the sides of his mouth, and now wants to kill Pony for dressing him up like this and yelling his name out in the neighborhood, and also kill Mike Newton because he's laughing, then says very unenthusiastically* If you don't, I don't care, I'll just eat you—Ow! I mean, I'll pull down your underwear! _

_Mike: Oh god! This is SO making the front page Monday! _

11: Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.

_Pony and Alice have surrounded Edward at home, trying to get him to get his opinion on what they buy when they go to Victoria's Secret, and obviously, he doesn't want to go. _

_Pony: Edward, please? We REALLY need you there! Please, just come with us! We'll buy you ice cream on the way home! _

_Edward: NO! I WILL NOT GO INTO THAT...THAT, STUPID GIRLY INTIMATE STORE WITH YOU, AND ESPECIALLY NOT WITH ALICE! AND I DON'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM! OR ANY OTHER HUMAN FOOD FOR THAT MATTER! _

_Alice: Come on Edward! It'll be fun, just the three of us, some nice brother-sisters bonding time!_

_Edward: I'll go anywhere with you Alice, but not to that store, and I would love some brother-SISTER bonding time, but as you may know, Pony is very much not our sister! _

_*Pony is looking at Edward with the most innocent eyes she could conjure up, and only two things were on her mind,* _

_Pony: Edward, I think of you like a brother! How could you not think of me as a sister? And how do you NOT eat ICE CREAM! IT'S THE MOST DELICIOUS, MOST SWEETEST DELICACY ON THIS PLANET! *Pony starts tearing up, then crying, and Edward is only giving her his famous death stare* _

_*Alice rushes over to Pony's side to hold her as she cries, and hugs her tightly, then turns around and gives Edward her best impression of Esmee's 'How dare you do this to this poor innocent child?' look*_

_Alice: Oh, Pony, it's okay! Of course Edward thinks of you as his sister, if he didn't, do you think you'd be alive right now?_

_Pony: I guess you're right, so LET'S GO! _

_*Pony and Alice take Edward to the mall, to Victoria's Secrets, as they both pick out nice bras and compare them and laugh at the other guys who weren't as "gutsy" as Edward was to actually COME INSIDE the store, now Edward feels awkward, but can't get out of it!* _

12. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a _DOG_

_*Edward has just stopped kissing Bella before she goes home, and Pony comes in looking disgusted at first, then has an idea*_

_Pony: You really love her, don't you Edward? _

_Edward: Oh, more than anything...I don't know what I'd do if I lost her, *deep sigh*_

_Pony: Well, you might have, considering you almost lost her to a DOG! _

_Edward: Don't make me kill you right now Pony, I'm in no mood for it, and I've been good for a VERY LONG TIME about not drinking your blood, so don't make me break that record now. _

_*About half an hour passes, and Pony has not brought up tha__t topic again. Until now.* _

_Pony as she walks in the living room where all the Cullen's including Bella are gathered just hanging out: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT? _

_Cullen's simultaneously respond: WHAT? _

_Pony: EDWARD ALMOST LOST BELLA TO A DOG! _

_Edward: THAT'S IT! PONY, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! *Alice, Rosalie and Esmee all rush to protect Pony from Edward's wrath*_

13. Picture yourself with no clothes and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you; call him a liar when he says no.

_Pony imagines herself as said above while Edward is in the room , Edward starts making awkward looks and tries to avoid Pony's eyes, as she looks at him seductively: What, Edward. Do you want that? Because by the look on your face, I know you want it. _

_Bella walks in: What's up guys? Edward, what's wrong? _

_Edward: BELLA! OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE NOW! I JUST WANT YOU, AND NOT YOU PONY! _

_Pony still looking at him seductively: Oh, you little liar, you and I both know you want me like that! _

_Bella just looks confused but doesn't say anything. _

14. Tell him Bella's in love with Mike and she has been 'doing' things with him. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.

_Pony: Edward, where's Bella? _

_Edward: Oh, she's at home, she said she had a really big test and Charlie won't let her out of the house. _

_Pony: Is that what she told you? Oh, figures she wouldn't want you to know, what with all the Jacob drama first and now Mike. _

_Edward: Mike? Mike Newton? What about Mike Newton? _

_Pony: Oh, nothing, I guess she didn't tell you that she's actually in love with Mike Newton. _

_*Edward now has a murderous look in his eyes, but for the first time, not at Pony, and he will now go and kill Mike* _

_***Ten minutes later* _

_Pony: Where've you been Edward? _

_Bella: Edward! I heard Mike Newton just died! Do you think it's another vampire?_

_Edward: Oh, you'd care about him, what was he? Your new boyfriend? Wouldn't you be very happy if I was out of the picture?_

_Bella: What? What're you talking about Edward? _

_Pony: I must intervene, Edward, I was only joking about Mike _

_Edward: Holy Crap! *Glares at Pony now* PONY! _

15. Ask him if Charlie is secretly a unicorn.

_Pony: Hey Edward? _

_Edward: What? (try and imagine him having a very bad attitude when he says this) _

_Pony: Is Charlie secretly a Unicorn? _

_Edward: What? _

_Pony: Is Charlie a Unicorn? Is he THE Charlie the Unicorn? _

_*Edward does not bother to answer this question_

16. Make him watch the 'Twilight' movie

_Pony: Hey Edward! Guess what! No, wait, don't guess, I'll just tell you! You and I are going to watch this movie everyone swears is AMAZING! IT'S CALLEDTWILIGHT, AND I THINK YO'LL LIKE IT!_

_Edward: No. _

_Pony: Why not?_

_Edward: I don't want to. That's why, and you can't MAKE me watch it either! _

_*30 Seconds later*_

_Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?  
Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google_ it.

_Edward: I can't believe I'm watching this. I hate you pony._

_Pony: SHHH! EDWARD SHUT UP! THEY'RE GETTING TO THE GOOD PART!_

_Edward: YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT SINCE THE MOVIE STARTED! _

17. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.

_Pony: So...do you think Robert Pattinson is hot? _

_Edward: Who? No, I don't think he's hot. _

_Pony: Dude, you have such LOW self esteem. _

_Edward: I don not, just because I don't think Robert Pattinson, whoever the hell that is, isn't hot, that does NOT mean I have low self esteem. *Pony shows him a picture of Robert Pattinson*_

_Edward: Oh...well, now I DO have low self esteem I guess..._

18. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn't eat it.

_Pony: Look Edward! Meet Jacob! _

_Edward: I've already met Jacob, now what is he doing here? _

_Pony: NO silly! Not THAT Jacob, meet Jacob, you're new puppy! I was at the animal shelter, and I saw him and immediately thought of you! See, he likes you already! _

_*Edward groans for he is sure that this is just another one of Pony's tricks.* _

_*3 days later* _

_Edward: PONY! *Pony looks up innocently as Edward comes storming down the school hallway* _

_Pony: Why, what is it dearest Edward? And what is sweet little Jacob doing here? _

_Edward: You know EXACTLY what! This...this, Dog, won't leave me alone! And I tried to eat him, but one: I don't like Dog, and two: Alice, Rosalie and Esmee won't let me eat it or get rid of it, and I blame YOU! _

_*Pony smiles evilly but then goes back to the innocent smile she had on before* _

_Pony: No. I didn't make it do any of that Edward, I think you just seduced the dog, yeah that's it! You seduced it! You stupid sadistic *whispers* vampire! _

19. Ask him why he's not as hot as Robert Pattinson

_Pony: Hey, Edward? Can I ask you something? _

_Edward: No. _

_Pony: Why aren't you as hot as Robert Pattinson? _

_Edward: What? I assure, I'm WAY better looking than that...that...slime ball! _

_Pony: No you're not. Robert Pattinson IS NOT a slime ball, and he's A LOT hotter than YOU! _

_Edward: Pony, do me a favor, please? _

_Pony: Yes, Edward? _

_Edward: GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I HAVE TO EAT YOU! _

_Pony: No, I don't feel like it. And I know you won't do it because Carlisle is standing in the room next to us! _

_Edward: Dammit. _

20. Ask him if he's ever done it. When he says no, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.

_Pony: Edward, have you ever done it before? _

_Edward: Done WHAT? _

_Pony: You know...IT, with BELLA? _

_Edward: Oh, that, no, I have not done it. _

_Pony: Oh, okay, here, I made this for you then. _

_._

(copy this link and it'll take you to the picture of Edward on the movie poster.)

_Edward: PONY!_

21. Make him watch 'Hairspray' with you. Ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Effron. When he says that he is, ask him why he wasn't the star of the singing high school people.

_Pony: Hey, Edward? Guess what? I got another movie for us to watch together!_

_Edward: NO. _

_Pony: Yes, and its Hairspray, with ZAC EFFRON! _

_10 minutes later... _

_**Edna Turnblad**__: "Imagine! My little girl... regular, at last!"_

_Pony: Edward...why aren't you as hot as Zac Effron? _

_Edward: What? I assure you that I'm WAY hotter than THAT Zac Effron! _

_Pony: If you're just as cute as him, why weren't you the star of that singing high school people movie? And I just don't see you being as *in a dreamy voice* dreamy as ZAC EFFRON! *fan girl squeal* _

_Edward: Forget it. This isn't even worth arguing about. If I'm not as "dreamy" as this idiot _(*gasp!* Zac Effron is NOT an idiot! Stupid Edward!) _Why is Bella DAZZLED by me? _

_Pony: Simple. Bella's an idiot. _

_Edward: *gives Pony his famous hungry death stare*_

22. Nail his CDS to the ceiling along with his stereo.

_*We see Pony in Edward's room with a hammer and some nails. Ten seconds later we see her nailing all his CDS and stereo on his ceiling. In ten more minutes we see Edward whistling happily as he just spent the entire afternoon with Bella. As he enters his room, Pony sitting in the middle of his room with a hammer in her right hand and staring at him with a baby-like smile on her face.* _

_Edward: WHAT THE HE—_

_Pony: Look, Edward! Look up! *she points towards the ceiling with the hammer* _

_Edward: *looks up with a scared expression to see what_ _is up there* "PONY!" _

_Pony runs for her life and Edward does not feel like chasing her around the house and town. _

23. Start singing 'Paper cut' around him constantly

_Edward is sitting in the living room flipping through the TV channels wondering what to watch. He stops as he sees that _Glee _is on. THE SEASON FINALE! So he starts to watch that. Just as they're about to announce who won first place at Regionals, Pony comes in with 'Paper cut' on full blast as she sings along. _

_(The song Paper cut by Gym Class Heroes, btw.) _

_Pony: "But I'm fed up with the plugging cuts and Everytime they bleed, so I dip my pen in the puddle what a bloody mess it's been trying to end this struggle but I love her she's the reason for the lesions, man I love her."_

_Edward: PONY! _

15 Minutes Later:

_Pony: "But I'm fed up with the plugging cuts and Everytime they bleed, so I dip my pen in the puddle what a bloody mess it's been trying to end this struggle but I love her she's the reason for the lesions, man I love her."_

_Edward: *Thinks about drinking Bella's blood, he's lost in thought for a while wondering how good it would taste...* PONY! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO SING THIS AROUND ME?_

_Pony: Oh Edward, you worry too much! It's not even meant for you! I just can't get over the song! _

_Edward: Yeah, and I won't be able to get over how good your blood will taste once I can eat you!_

_Pony: You can't do that! Carlisle made you PROMISE never to eat a human, only animals, remember?_

_Edward: *whispers* Damn you Carlisle..._

24. Tell him that Paul imprinted on him.

_Pony: Edward, I have some news to tell you, it may come to you as a surprise, but once you think about it, it'll all make sense. But please, you must let me say my entire statement and then you may comment...or squeal, whichever one you want, it's all up to you. _

_Edward: What the hell are you talking about? _

_Pony: *takes a deep breath* Well, I was talking to Paul last night, and well, he made me promise not to tell anyone, but since it's about you, I HAVE to tell you..._

_Edward: *through gritted teeth* Just hurry up and tell me already, Pony..._

_Pony: Okay, this may come as a shock to you, but to me, it all made sense afterwards...Paul imprinted on you._

_Edward: WHAT? _

_Pony: PAUL, Jacob's friend Paul, IMPRITED ON YOU! EDWARD CULLEN! _

_Edward: *Passes out* _

25. Glue pictures of Jacob all over his walls.

_*Once again we see Edward whistling while on his way to his room*_

_Edward: *Walks in and sees that he now has pictures of Jacob covering every inch of his walls and ceiling.* What the—PONY!_

_Bella: Edward, what's wrong? I heard you scream and—oh, Edward...I thought you hated Jacob, but...oh, okay, it all makes sense now..._

_Edward: WHERE IS THAT PONY? I AM GOING TO TAKE THIS UP WITH CARLISLE AND KILL HER ONCE AND FOR ALL! PONY! _

_*Edward smells something weird...and of course sees Pony standing at the end of the hall with a smile on her face.* _

_Edward: What are you...no! No, you can't...NO!_

_Pony: That's right! I told the family about your many threats about killing me, and well...it was all their idea!_

_Bella: EDWARD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON NOW?_

_Edward: Carlisle turned Pony into a vampire, and now, she's apart of this family. MY FAMILY! _

_Bella: Aww! Welcome to the family Pony! *gives Pony a hug which Pony returns very politely* _

_Edward: ! *passes out again.*_

26. Take his pulse and call 911 when you 'discover' he doesn't have any.

_Pony: Hey, Edward! I need to check something about you, come here!_

_Edward: NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! _

_Pony: Here! *grabs Edward's wrist* _

_5 seconds later: _

_Pony: EDWARD! OH MY GLEE! YOU HAVE NO PULSE! AHH, I HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL! *whips out Edwards cell phone* _

_Hello? 911? YES, I NEED YOU OVER HERE IMMEDIATELY! THERE'S A MAN HERE WITH NO PULSE WHATSOEVER! Oh, okay, one moment, Hey Edward, what's the address of this place? _

_Edward: *grabs phone from Pony* I'm sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected, goodbye. *throws phone at the wall* _

_Pony: Dude, you do know that was YOUR phone, right? _

_Edward: I don't...NOOOO! NOT MY NEW IPHONE! NOOOOOOOOOO! _

27. When you 'discover' he's a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout, "The power of Christ compels you!"

_Edward: *continued from number 26* PONY! YOU KNOW THAT I'M A VAMPIRE! YOU'RE ONE TOO! _

_Pony: NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU...YOU...DEAD...CREATURE! _

_Edward: PONY!_

_Pony: NO! BACK AWAY! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! _

_Edward: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? _

_Pony: GET AWAY! BELLA! _

28. Make a lifelike Bella dummy (with Bella audio) and throw it into a fire.

_Edward: What is it NOW Pony?_

_Pony: I made something! I have to show it to you! Just come into the living room! _

_Edward: Oookay? _

_Pony: LOOK! *shows a lifelike dummy of bella, it's so real looking it's kinda creepy*_

_Edward: Where did you...how'd you..when did...ugh, is that a bella doll? _

_Pony: Yeah! It's a Bella VOODOO doll! And look! It speaks too! *pulls string* _"I'm not afraid of you." "I jump you jump, Jack"_ Wait...that's from Titanic, never mind, sorry 'bout that. _

_Edward: VOODOO? PONY, GIVE IT HERE! _

_Pony: NOPE. *throws it into the fireplace* _

_Edward: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BELLA! _

_Pony: Dude, chill, it wasn't a voodoo doll. Man, you seem really desperate...have you ever tried ? Or eHarmony? Those sites work, you know, it's funny *chuckles* I have a cousin in Idaho, and she told me that she- _

_Edward: PONY!_

_Pony: Gotta go now, BYE! *runs out of the room like she's flash*_

29. Bake him a birthday cake with 107 candles and make frequent jokes about him being "over the hill"

_*Today is Edward's birthday, and he's happy, since Bella's with him, (damn, he's cheesy) and Pony wants to do something special, so she bakes him a cake, and yes, she knows that_ _none of them can eat...except for Bella.* _

_Pony: HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDWARD! LOOK,I BAKED YOU A CAKE! EMMETT, JASPER! _

_Edward: Umm, Pony, that's nice of you and all but I don't-ouch! What? *Alice elbows him, and hard* _

_Alice: Aww, Pony! That's so sweet of you! I'm sure we all, including YOU, EDWARD, will love it! _

_*Emmett and Jasper come in with a really big cake with...of course 107 candles lining the perimeter of the cake. In big, fancy letters, it says, "Happy Birthday Edward! Shouldn't you be dead? Haha, just kidding! HAPPY 107__th__ BIRTHDAY!" _

_Edward: *with a fake smile* Wow, Pony, that's so, ~nice~ of you. (a/n: please note the sarcasm in this sentence) _

_Pony: I KNEW IT! YOU DO LOVE IT! But seriously, shouldn't you be dead? You're 107 now. What more can you DO in this world? _

_*Everyone kinda laughs nervously* _

30. Whenever he gets mad at you for annoying him so much, turn to the nearest person and go, "Don't worry, its just his time of the month."

_*In Biology* _

_Pony: Hey Edward, what does the Bunsen burner do? What does this thing-ouch! Never mind, I know what that_ _thing does...hey! What're you writing? Is it a love note to Bella? You know she's out sick today, right? _

_Edward: PONY! JUST SHUT UP! *it suddenly goes quiet in the whole room*_

_Pony: Don't worry, it's just his time of the month. Just give him a few more days, he'll be okay! *room bursts out laughing* _

~~In Gym~~

_Pony: Edward...how do you work a tennis racket? How do you play Baseball? How do you play Basketball? Do you like Hockey? Wait, no one likes hockey! How about cricket? Do you like Cricket? Do you know how to play cricket? I hear it's like Baseball, except...it's not! And did you know how basketball-_

_Edward: NO PONY! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING YOU SAY, AND IF YOU TRY TO TELL ME ONE MORE STUPID FACT, THAT TENNIS RACKET YOUR HOLDING WILL BE SOMEWHERE YOU WON'T EVER-!_

_Gym teacher: MR. CULLEN! IS THERE A PROBLEM OVER THERE? _

_Pony: HI COACH! NO THERE ISN'T, EDWARD'S JUST ON HIS TIME OF THE MONTH, HE'LL BE OKAY! _

_*they get weird looks the rest of the days*_


End file.
